20 Days Later

This was my life for the last 20 days.

Well, I haven't write here since I found out about Lumpy and to be honest I went through a bit of a rough time.

I had to go through some lab studies before the oncologist could confirm or deny anything.

The studies were painful and scary and I felt under the weather a whole week after.

Finally my results were back and yesterday I went to the oncologist to hear the diagnose.  I was so glad when I heard the lipoma diagnose that I felt as if a gigantic stone was lifted from my stomach.
He said it is a benign lipoma and I just need to monitor it every 6 months for about 2 years and if it doesn't grow or becomes painful, I'm on the clear!

Thanks for the good news!

I don't mind that much having to go back for the painful lab studies every year for those 2 years, as long as Lumpy stays unchanged.
I'm thankful, grateful and happy that it was not cancer and that all the changes towards a healthier life style were a definite help during this process. 

Now I can take a deep breath, smile because of my health and my wonderful body that does amazing features and keep working towards a better me, a healthier me. 

It is amazing how 7 months ago I was looking for a way out, the proverbial ticket so I can get off of this ride we call life.  But as soon as I realized I had a lot to live for and I wanted to live and feel and love and be part of this world, Life smacked me on the face and gave me a pretty shitty scare, perhaps to let me know I love my life or perhaps to reinforce how important health is.

I don't know why this happened to me right now, maybe for these reasons, maybe it was just chance and bad/good luck.  But what I know is that I'm as committed as ever to become the healthiest possible me.

Meet Lumpy

Unfortunately is not THIS Lumpy

I've been having a scary and shitty day. It all started pretty normal: my alarm went off a bit before 5 am, I got up, put on my work out clothes, did some leg workout and went to take a shower. Pretty standard.

So, there I was in the shower wondering why Billy Joel was in my playlist singing Piano Man when I met Lumpy.

Right there in the far corner of my right armpit a lump. Mi first thought was, hey this wasn't here yesterday... and then it was that blank moment before the realization: I Have A Lump. In my armpit. So of course my train thought derailed in Fuckyouland with a lovely stop in Cancerville.

Yes, I'm dramatic that way, my first thought was cancer, the Big C.  Then I tried to rationalize it saying maybe is a fat clump or even a cyst, after all there's no one in my family with breast cancer. I felt the other side to see if there were symmetric and I was just being silly... but my other arm was lump-less. 

So I cried, right there in the shower I cried full of fear and dread. 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't told anyone, not even the hubby and I just want to forget that I ever met Lumpy. 

Crazy Times

Remember how last Monday I was sick? I saw lights and got light headed and threw up all night. Well, apparently it is day related because the lights and lightheaded-ness came back again this Monday around 4 pm.  

As I was at work I decided to go to the doctor’s office to check my blood pressure… it was normal 120/80.  So she told me it might be my blood glucose.  She pinched my finger to check it out and behold, it was low. For an 80-90 desired range I had 78.  It’s not too much but it was low.  

She said I had to add more sugar to my diet like honey, agave, jams, etc. More sugar? Really!?!  How is that proper advice from a medical professional, when added sugar is linked to heart disease and metabolic syndrome, diabetes and insulin resistance?  

This is how they should sell it!

I don’t want to add direct sugars to my food, I've been working so hard to ditch it, but I can definitely up my complex carb intake.

After a couple of days with some more whole grains and an extra portion of fruit I've been feeling great.  Perhaps I was under eating some things, but I still believe that clean whole foods will give me all the proper nutrition I need.

On another subject… what do you think about the WHO’s declaration that processed meats (sausages, ham, deli meat), as well as preserved meats (prosciutto, bacon, Serrano ham) and red meat in general are carcinogenic?

The world's reaction.

I've been trying to read the study, but I can’t find it anywhere and though I can imagine processed meats being really unhealthy (those chemicals aren't a joke) I see no reason for organic red meat (natural or cured) to be unhealthy within reasonable rations, so I don’t know what to make of this, especially since these kind of things are very political matters and powerful companies can, and do by this type of studies.  Did Tyson and the poultry industry paid for this? Or perhaps it was the pork industry? I don’t know.

Do you know why was red meat considered carcinogenic? Are you going to stop eating these food items, or you don’t care about these kind of things?

Time to Slow Down

Everything was fine on Monday.  I woke up feeling a little off, but nothing to be concerned about, except maybe the extra 2 lbs I was carrying.  My day at work was normal and when I got home I did my 14 day yoga shred challenge from Do You Yoga.  But just as I finished I started seeing lights and feeling light-headed. I ate some amaranth with yoghurt and raisins and I started to feel a bit better.

Actual picture of me

But at 2:45 am it was a different story: I had a terribly upset stomach and I started to throw up as if there was no tomorrow.  Same story at 3:30 am and 5:00 am.  Needless to say, I skipped work. 

After that (I guess curiosity got the best of me) I was 5 lbs lighter, 3 lbs if you disregard Monday's  weight in. 

I was feeling terrible and I couldn't do my workouts, but this reminded me that sometimes you just have to slow down and listen to your body. 

Today I feel a lot better, I did my morning workout and I think this might be a normal day again. 

Half and Half

After a terrible depression and a lot of health issues, I turned my life around fairly recently.  One of the biggest changes I made and what I think is been a part of my slow but steady success is a mindset change.

I always had an all or nothing point of view that never allowed any chance to make a mistake... or if I made one, it wasn't worth trying again and that was it.

Of course with my weight it was the same approach.  When I was a kid I was supper skinny, I ate everything and enjoyed my food.  I had fruits and vegetables, meat, butter, eggs, bacon... everything.  Well, everything but processed foods.

When I became a teen, I was bombarded with body expectations and for the first time, I started to worry about what I ate, but not on a good way. I started to eliminate food like diary, fats, carbs, protein... all until everything I ate in a day was an apple, plain water and sugar free bubblegum. 

Of course I was super thin, but I also messed up my metabolism (damn me, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive me for this) and was extremely unhealthy. 

After a few miserable years like this, I met new friends and they ate a lot, so I started eating again, but not the good-for-you kind of food, but just junk.  So I would binge-eat a lot of junk food one day and starve another (furthering my metabolism murder spree).

Fast forward some years and I was obese, overeating processed foods, sedentary, smoking like there is no tomorrow and horribly, terribly depressed.

I think I was right there with Hulk Hogan, but 0 muscle

Now I decided that a mistake is just that, and it won't affect my next decision, nor the next one.  I can eat super healthy, organic, sugar/sweet free, process free food must of the time, so if I mess it up one meal or day, it doesn't matter, I'll keep choosing the good stuff for myself. 

I'm down 2 lbs this week.  19.5 lbs since I started choosing better things for myself.  I still have around 42 lbs to loose, but that's OK, I can wait and do this the slow but healthy and sure way. Now my goal isn't being thin.  My goal is health: no more cigarettes (checked!), start to exercise and do it everyday (checked!), eat healthy food (checked!), stop eating the processed shit made in factories (checked!), stop poisoning yourself with sugar and fructose (this is still going on, I've been OK for a while, but Halloween is coming and I'm not sure if I'll make it).

It's a god damned slow process but I'm glad that I made the choice to take this journey to self discovery, balance, health and improvement. I'm through the first third and I'm sure all these changes are for the best and I'm on my way to better things.

Damn you sugar!

Well, here I was yesterday writing about being sugarless and how well I've been doing, and then... my birthday happened.

I thought that I was safe, I brought my own meal (as I've been doing all week) I ate it and it was almost time for me to leave the office, when some of my co-workers brought a white chocolate and raspberry tart from Starbucks, I think.  There was no way out of this without hurting some feelings, and as I'm new to the team and company, well, I had to take a bite.

Poisonous beauty

It was a small bite, nowhere near the amount of cake I would have eaten if I wasn't walking this road, but still, I broke the chain and ate sugar.

I thought that breaking my streak and adding one more day to the challenge was my worst problem. Alas! Little did I know what was in store for me.

Before all this, I never felt any changes in my body when I ate sugar,  not even when I ate the equivalent of my country's debt in desserts.

But today was different, even from the start I felt it too sweet (WTF!!! WT(actual)F??? Too sweet? That phrase has never EVER been in my vocabulary... really, never), the texture was pleasant, but the sweetness was too much.
A few minutes later I realized it had been a bad BAD idea to eat the tart: I felt my heart racing, a headache starting to rise and a lot of anxiety.  A half hour later I had terrible reflux and I felt like a bloody dragon!

From the moment I finished my slice of tart to when I reached my house, I was cursing the hell out of that sugary food.

I was cranky, hungry and with a massive headache.

As soon as I got home, I did my daily yoga (great sun salutations, thanks Erin Motts!) and then I had a protein rich dinner to fight the sugar spike and crash I was going through.

Who would have thought this is how I felt all the time and didn't even noticed it because I was jumping from one sugar high to the next.

This experience was eye opening and it will definitely be something I'll take in account the next time I'm offered something sugary and I don't think I'll be returning to the old ways.

Another silver lining? I stayed eating good and healthy after that, as well as working out.  This time my falling of the wagon wasn't as catastrophic as usual, and I was able to get right back in line.

Oh! Sugar, thou heartless b!tch mistress...

No Sugar, Baby

One of my favourite catchphrases from Ash in the film "Bruce Campbell Vs the Army of Darkness" is "Give me some sugar, baby" (only topped by "Groovy" and "This is my boomstick!").  It's cheesy, it's funny and it's a fantastic one-liner to have as a post-apocalyptic demon-fighting anti-hero. 

This is his boomstick.

But for now, no more sugar for me. 

Since last Sunday (Sep 13^th), I've been sugar free.  And what do I mean by sugar free? Well, no fructose, AKA the sugar that makes things sweet. This means no white/brown sugar, agave, fruit juices, honey, high fructose corn syrup, etc.  And no artificial sweeteners like Splenda or Stevia.  Fruit, only in its original form and it will be the only sweet thing in my diet; this means no juices, jams, preserves or the likes. 

Do I miss the sweetness, uff yes I do.  Last Tuesday someone brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts (my favourite food ever) to the office and I didn't eat a single one.  

I´ve been reading labels to make sure that there’s no hidden sugars in my food, sticking to the must natural state of food and I try to eat organic as much as I can.

Beware, 4 g equals 1 tbs of sugar

I will try to detox from my sugar addiction (more about that on future posts) and stay sugar free for at least 30 days.

The first few days were kind of horrible… I had a headache, cravings, hunger, the whole enchilada.  But after 12 days I feel better, more alert, less hungry between meals and I don’t crave sweet flavours any more.

Between the organic foods, start working out and stick to small workouts twice a day routine, my 30 day yoga and meditation challenges, quit smoking, stop drinking fizzy beverages, and loosing 17 lbs, I feel so much better.  This was definitely, the best birthday present I could have given to myself.

I started a few months back, on May 11^th and I've been having a slow but constant progress of 1 lb lost in average.  Sometimes I lose more than a lb, but then I don’t lose any weight. If I keep this average of 1 lb per week, I’ll reach my goal for next year.  For September 24^th 2016 (exactly on my birthday) I’ll be at my goal weight and I would have lost the baffling amount of 62 lbs (more or less).   So for my next birthday, I’ll be fit, strong and healthy because I'm walking that road today. I started a few months back and now that I started I will not stop loving myself, so I know I’ll keep being healthy, eating clean and right (must of the time), working out, not smoking, and no poisons in my body. 

I don’t want to go back to bad habits, because that means my self-loathing is back.

A few months ago, all I could think about was dying, killing myself to be precise.  I wrote something resembling a goodbye note to my beloved husband and every day I would think about the best way to do it, preferably like an accident so he could file the insurance report and at least have something.  The only thing that kept me from doing it was that I couldn't find a proper way to do it, with no survival chance and that looked like an accident.  So one day, I was surfing the web and  thought, how much would it take me to lose all this extra weight? And I thought it could take at least 4 or 5 years… but when I entered the numbers on some webpage it said that if I lost 2 lbs a week, I would be on my target weight by January 2016… wait… what? Mmm… maybe I should give it a try.

So I did, and started eating better and healthier and something happened I didn't expect: my depression, my 3 year old depression started to fade away.  Just by eating better and stop eating bad food.  I also think it helped the feeling of doing something for myself.

After a few weeks, I decided I needed to work out in order to achieve my goals, but how can I do that if I've been sedentary for more than 10 years and I smoke around a pack a day (more if there is a party or friends).  So first step, quit smoking! Cold turkey, as they say.  One day I smoked my last cigarette, enjoyed it as if it was the last one on earth (for me it was) and after I put it out, I hadn't had a smoke since.

I also started working out.  I found a beginner’s program that had what to do and when to rest, so I put on some yoga pants I had that were a bit very tight on me and I started moving every morning before starting my day.

25 days ago, I decided on adding up more workouts and started a 30 day yoga challenge at Do You Yoga.  The teacher is Erin Mots and I LOVE HER so much. She reminded me why I loved yoga so much and after the challenge is over, I want to start my yoga practice every day, at least 1 hour.

On the same day, I started a 30 day meditation challenge also at Do You Yoga, but the teacher is Faith Hunter and she is marvellous for easing into different kinds of breathing and guided meditations.

And finally, in this quest for a better health I started my 30 days without sugar after watching That Sugar Film.

All in all I feel fantastic, I'm in a good mood must of the time and I'm finding it easier and easier every day to make the right choices.  For the first time, I think I'm heading for a lifestyle change and not a diet you start and finish only to gain everything back, plus a bit more.

I hope I reach my weight goal, but mostly I want a health and fitness goal.  I want to be healthy, eating natural foods, no chemicals, and smoke free and able to do any physical activity I want without injury or being out of breath or too week. And I want to look good, toned and fit.  

Perhaps like her (minus the tan and the underwear!):

I wish I could do that... and look like that!

Oooommmmm....

I like yoga, is the only exercise I can do without looking stupid.  I'm quite flexible for a sedentary person and I love the calm pace but the big challenge of the poses and moves.

Still, it's been a while since I practised yoga.

So I decided to take back my yoga practice and find again my balance, strength and flexibility, and not only within my body, but also in my mind and my everyday life.

To start slow and with a nice pace I joined Do You Yoga and it's 30 Day Yoga Challenge.  Today will be day #3 and I'm loving it.

I get up at 5 am to do my regular workout (body weight targeting different areas of my body) and now I added the yoga as soon as I return home from work and before bed, I'm also taking the 30 Day Meditation Challenge.

It's been amazing, hadn't miss a day and I'm loving it.

I Love Food

I really, really love food. Good food that is.  And I'm not just talking about fancy restaurants and pricey meals... I mean all kinds of food: fancy, exotic, street food, home made...

Of course it shows how much I love eating... and how big my sweet tooth is.  I was obese Class I when I started a plan to better my overall health.

I started eating better, healthier, eventually I stopped smoking and started working out.

Today I'm down to be overweight on my way to normal (I hope).  I feel so much better without smoking and working out every morning. I can treat myself with something I'm craving or gong out for a nice dinner once a week and it's been a slow road, but yesterday finally someone said I look thinner!!!
It's been a very happy road... before this, I was standing in front of a cliff: for weeks I thought about killing myself, but instead (and I don't know why) I decided to go on a diet. After I started eating better I started to feel better, and then I started working out and quit smocking and my life turned around! I even found a job with a very very nice pay check.
Now I feel happy almost all the time,  I feel like there's a lot to be grateful about and I feel that I can do this.

Now I feel my capability to express my love for food is a bit diminished, but when I do get the chance to eat something decadent I make it count and enjoy it thoroughly.   And then I work out a bit.