20 Days Later

This was my life for the last 20 days.

Well, I haven't write here since I found out about Lumpy and to be honest I went through a bit of a rough time.

I had to go through some lab studies before the oncologist could confirm or deny anything.

The studies were painful and scary and I felt under the weather a whole week after.

Finally my results were back and yesterday I went to the oncologist to hear the diagnose.  I was so glad when I heard the lipoma diagnose that I felt as if a gigantic stone was lifted from my stomach.
He said it is a benign lipoma and I just need to monitor it every 6 months for about 2 years and if it doesn't grow or becomes painful, I'm on the clear!

Thanks for the good news!

I don't mind that much having to go back for the painful lab studies every year for those 2 years, as long as Lumpy stays unchanged.
I'm thankful, grateful and happy that it was not cancer and that all the changes towards a healthier life style were a definite help during this process. 

Now I can take a deep breath, smile because of my health and my wonderful body that does amazing features and keep working towards a better me, a healthier me. 

It is amazing how 7 months ago I was looking for a way out, the proverbial ticket so I can get off of this ride we call life.  But as soon as I realized I had a lot to live for and I wanted to live and feel and love and be part of this world, Life smacked me on the face and gave me a pretty shitty scare, perhaps to let me know I love my life or perhaps to reinforce how important health is.

I don't know why this happened to me right now, maybe for these reasons, maybe it was just chance and bad/good luck.  But what I know is that I'm as committed as ever to become the healthiest possible me.

Meet Lumpy

Unfortunately is not THIS Lumpy

I've been having a scary and shitty day. It all started pretty normal: my alarm went off a bit before 5 am, I got up, put on my work out clothes, did some leg workout and went to take a shower. Pretty standard.

So, there I was in the shower wondering why Billy Joel was in my playlist singing Piano Man when I met Lumpy.

Right there in the far corner of my right armpit a lump. Mi first thought was, hey this wasn't here yesterday... and then it was that blank moment before the realization: I Have A Lump. In my armpit. So of course my train thought derailed in Fuckyouland with a lovely stop in Cancerville.

Yes, I'm dramatic that way, my first thought was cancer, the Big C.  Then I tried to rationalize it saying maybe is a fat clump or even a cyst, after all there's no one in my family with breast cancer. I felt the other side to see if there were symmetric and I was just being silly... but my other arm was lump-less. 

So I cried, right there in the shower I cried full of fear and dread. 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't told anyone, not even the hubby and I just want to forget that I ever met Lumpy. 

The Moving Game

I'm moving again.  In the last 10 years alone, I've moved 5 times and now it will be home #6 in 10 years. 

A few years back I thought I moved for the last time into my permanent home, but fate had a different idea.  Something quite difficult happened and we had to leave that flat. So now we've been moving almost yearly and we hope this will be the last one before our 2nd attempt in buying a house.  We have this milestone scheduled for 2017 more or less.

We've been seeing flats around the areas we like in the city, near downtown and near our jobs, but we weren't in love with anything… until yesterday.  We found 2 options that we loved.  A bit on the wee side, but I think that’s perfect to stop my hoarding impulses, but both have pros and cons.  Both are around 80 m², but the first one has amazing big closets, a large living area, a gym, roof garden, automatic building door, a pass heater (I LOVE those), a balcony and everything is new, what I don’t like is that it just has 1 bathroom, the kitchen is a bit small and it has no lift.  On the second flat, I love that it has a lift, 2 beautiful big bathrooms, the kitchen is bigger and with a pantry, but the living area is small and generally the distribution is a bit wonky. Besides we won’t be able to use the common areas like the gym and party area.

I believe that if everything goes OK, we’ll be moving to the first flat by the end of the month.  Usually, by now, we would be going crazy with the packing, but we decided to outsource and hire a moving company that also packs our stuff, so we don’t have to stress out about this.

I'm scared about moving, because it’s been a coincidence that bad news follow me when I move, but it usually happens when I move to a pricier place, not cheaper, which is what we are doing now, so I feel good about this.

I'm feeling excited about our new home and that it will be covered in Christmas decorations for its first month.

As soon as I take possession of the new flat, I’ll post pictures and I’ll tell you if it was choice #1 or choice #2.

How do you feel about moving and house hunting?

Friend Making Monday

I came across this thing reading another blog and I thought about doing it, so you could get to know me better. 

So, with no further fuss, I bring you:

FMM: I Am.

1. I am good at… cooking decadent food, being a wife, having a good argument, party planning and TV watching.

2. I am happy when… I'm with my husband.  We have so much fun together and we enjoy each other's company as much as we can. If we can do it together, be sure we will.

3. I am working on… on myself.  Learning to love and understand myself is a journey I just started but I feel I'm on a good track and heading to a better place of self forgiveness and caring love.

4. I am interested in… almost everything and anything! I'm interested in design, art, photography, films, writing, calligraphy, crafts, upcycling, science, health, gardening, sustainability, decoration, psychology, food, amongst other things.

5. I am always… reading, watching or writing, those are my biggest passions.  I LOVE stories, both telling them and having them told to me so one way or another I find myself searching for the stories of the world..

6. I am enjoying… eating healthier and working out.  Believe or not it's been a blast watching my own transformation from an obese compulsive eater who couldn't even walk a block around my house smoking 1 pack of cigarettes a day, to someone that can hold a plank for 1 minute (it's not much perhaps and I feel like dying, BUT I can do it!).  Little by little I can do more things with my body and I see how I'm changing slowly but surely in to a healthier stronger me.

7. I am in…my office. It's a workday and I must be here.  

8. I am reading… What if...? by Randall Munroe.  It's funny, interesting and I'm loving it. 

It's really amazing and funny

9. I am concerned about… being able to keep my healthy lifestyle changes for good.  I want to be able to reach a healthy weight and a strong healthy body, but I also want to keep it like that for ever and don't let the obstacles in life derail all my hard work. 

10. I am looking forward to… my Halloween party! I'm excited about my costume and it's my first store brought costume, and not home made. I want to prove to myself that I can make the right choice even in the Holidays and this will be a preparation for Christmas and the festivities to come.

Feel free to repost this in your blog and leave a link in the comments so I can check it out!

Aniversary (17.4.0) and Some of My Firsts

Today is a very special day for me: it’s my wedding anniversary (4 years) and it’s also the anniversary for when we started dating, so we call it our how-long-we've-been-together-versary and the answer is 17 years.  

Yep, we've been together for 17 years, the same amount of years we had when we started dating and yes, we are high school sweethearts.

We met at our senior year in high school and we've been together since then.  It was also a Wednesday, October 21^st 1998 when we became a couple. On that same day but on 2010, we got engaged and a year later in 2011, we got married, all on October 21^st.

This is not us... it could be if we ever took our pictures.

 One thing I really love is that I shared with him a lot of firsts: my first Happy Meal, the first time I went trick or treating, the first time I went downtown to watch the Christmas lights and Santa booths, my first store-bought Halloween costume, my first zombie walk and so many others.

But not only that, I also finished high school, started and finished my Psychology studies, learnt to drive, moved out from my parent’s house to my own flat, adopted cats, wrote my first and subsequent movie and series scripts, planned for the zombie apocalypse and started and quitted smoking, all of these with him by my side.

I've been with him when he finished high school, when he started and finished his maths and communication studies, when he got his first job and all his promotions, when he moved out from his parent’s home to live with me, when his brother got married and through all the births of his nieces and nephews.

We've shared a lifetime together and I would love to share with him and only him rest of what I have left to live.

Thanks for being my best mate, the love of my life, the reason behind my smile and the best partner in crime I could have ever asked for. 

Thanks for sharing your time in this world with me. 

A Busy Bee Weekend and Q & A About Me Part 3

Well, this was a mighty busy weekend.

On Friday, the hubby and I went to our appointment with our tattoo artist to talk about what we want and the design we wish for and to book an appointment.    He is crazy busy so I got mine on December 5^th and my husband got his on March 4^th!  How sad, I really wanted to have my tattoo by next week.

On Saturday, we went to a market to buy Halloween stuff and afterwards to a costume and make up store to buy our supplies.  In the evening, we went to our Ataraxia concert which had 2 other groups performing.  It was an amazing concert and I was glad to listen to these classic medieval groups and that we had the chance to AGAIN see live this fantastic but unknown group, Ataraxia.

She is weird, but what an amazing voice!

On Sunday I was extra tired and had a constant headache all day long, but that didn't stop us from decorating the hell out of our home to be ready for Halloween.  

Demon Skull

We finished all at 11:30 pm and of course, when I got up at 5:00 am in the morning today, I was so sleepy and almost a zombie myself.

I hope I can go to bed early today so I won’t be as tired tomorrow.

Well, here is the last part of the weird questions I've been answering!

Q: Tomorrow will be better because…

A: I’ll keep taking care of myself and I’ll strive to be better at this “healthy lifestyle” thing, so every day I’ll be a better me and tomorrow I’ll be happier, healthier and stronger.

Q: What made today unusual?

A: Ghosts. I was having a rather weird conversation with my sister about ghosts and astral projections. Though I don’t believe in ghosts, I grew up in a very scary old house where a lot of weird things happened.  My sister is a true believer of the supernatural (whether she admits it or not) and it was a rather unusual conversation for a Monday morning.

Q: What are you looking for from life?

A: Happiness. I want to enjoy the rest of my life the way I've never been able to.  I enjoyed some things, lots of things, but not as fully as I deserve. Damn you depression, bugger off!

Q: What is your favourite thing to drink?

A: Tea. I love to drink caffeinated black or red tea in the morning, sometimes make it a chai latte; after lunch I love a mint tea and in the afternoon/evening I sip on caffeine free herbal infusions like strawberry, passion fruit, peach and mango. I even have an amazing super geek TARDIS mug for my office teas.

TARDS Mug and Chocolate-Mint Tea

Q: Today the temperature was…

A: Very cold! I love it. We are having like a million cold fronts and this means we have cloudy skies and rather cold temperatures, which is by the way, my favourite weather.

Q: How much did you spend at the grocery store the last time you went?

A: A tad more than the average Joe. I buy organic and it doesn't come cheap here, as it isn't a trendy or popular choice. We are one of the countries with the worst obesity epidemics and malnutrition at the same time… and I don’t see a near future where this changes.  But I’ll choose the best option for myself and my family, no matter the cost.  It’s just like adding the cost of a pizza night every week, but on produce and healthy groceries.

Q: Tomorrow I will…

A: Wake up early and work out first thing in the morning. Then I’ll have a healthy big breakfast and start my day with good things and choices for myself.

Q: What was your last major purchase?

A: My Kikki K Planner.  It is AMAZING!!! I love it and all the other accessories I bought with it. I is an expensive planner, but I think it’s worth it and I adore it. Can't wait for December to arrive so I can start using it.

This is my Kikki K!

Q: My house is a home because…

A: Because of my family: my husband, the best husband ever in the history of husbands and my 4 adorable cats.  They make my life worth living and they give me unconditional and unending love every day.  And of course, I love them back just as much.

Q: Who is the last person to tell you they loved you?

A: My husband. He told me that he loves me this morning and I love him too.

Well, this is it.  These were the last questions and I had fun answering them.  They are a bit random and some were right on weird, but it was a very interesting way of letting you know a little more about me and my life.  I hope you like this and feel free to answer the questions on the comments.

Q & A About Me Part 2

OK! Time to get to know me a bit more, here are the next 10 weird questions about me.

Q: What’s your favourite accessory?

A: My engagement and wedding ring combo.  I LOVE them so much. My engagement ring is white gold and a solitary diamond, very simple and classic. On the other hand, my wedding ring is a bit crazy: it’s a black tungsten Lord of the Rings wedding band.  We wanted a film related ring and the must fantastic one is by far The One Ring from LoTR, so we went with that idea, and my husband’s favourite colour is black, so black it was. Inside it has an inscription with our wedding date and the outside letters in the language of Mordor are silver.  It stands out and shows our personality.

Q: What is making you mad?

A: That I don’t have enough time with my husband.

Q: What did you have for dinner today?

A: It’s early in the morning, so it’ll have to be yesterday’s dinner. I had oat bran with yogurt and home made strawberry jam. De-li-cio-us!

Q: What did you get done?

A: Our Halloween Party invitations.  This year’s design was based on Andrea Vesalius’ anatomy studies. It is called: L’Anatomie Macabre Présente: la Nuit des Morts Vivants, AKA The Macabre Anatomy Presents: The Night of the Living Dead. It’s quite radical, if I say so myself.

The illustration that accompanies the invitation

Q: Who last called you on the phone?

A: My sister. We live in different cities and we try to chat almost every day. It’s been almost 3 years since we last saw each other, so we Skype, talk on the phone or chat as frequent as we can.  She is the only family I have left and we've always been good friends.

Q: Who are you in love with?

A: Easy, my husband.  I've been in love with him for 17 years and it just grows every day. He is the best!

Q: The best part of today was…

A: Doing something nice for myself. I woke up at 5 am to workout before I leave for work, as I've been doing for the last 2 months. The first thing on my schedule is me: I do a small workout before anything else happens and that way I'm ready to tackle the day.  In the evening I do another workout before dinner and call it a day.

Q: My current favourite website is…

A: Kikki K’s website! I just love it there.  I would LOVE to buy more things for my planner so I go there to drool all over their beautiful stationary, stickers, accessories and more.  Dear Santa, please bring me this Christmas more Kikki K products!

Q: What was the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with?

A: Uff, this is a tough one… not that I don’t know the most difficult thing in my life, but it’s a tricky subject.  The worst in my life was my family.  I grew up in an environment full of psychological and emotional violence and abuse, and sometimes, as a cherry on top, physical violence as well (I have the scars to show).  I never really knew how bad it was, I just assumed everyone else was going through the same things and we all pretended we were a perfect family when we were in public.  It took me years and years to realize it wasn't normal and that it was not OK. In my country we are supposed to live with our parents until we get married (especially women) and Universities don’t have campuses or places to stay, because you are supposed to still live with your parents. I couldn't afford school on my own, so I stayed with my parents until I got my degree and then left to live alone. Even after that I kept seeing them, as it was my obligation, but 2 years and 7 months ago I had this big conflict with them that was the last straw, the last thing to push me over the edge and I broke contact with them for good.  It’s been a rough couple of years, not because I feel bad about stop talking to them (oh, no… it’s the best thing I've ever done in my life) but it was the time that took me to purge all the poison they left inside my mind. All their hatred and loathing was introjected in my mind and became self-hate and self-loathing, so I had to heal from the inside out and I believe I'm finally out of the storm.  It was hard but it was worth it.  If you are in an abusive relationship, it doesn't matter who it is (parent, couple, children, work) step away from it and never return. You deserve better.

Q: Today I wish I had more…

A: Sleeping hours. I love sleeping until late, preferably after 10 am but I can’t and I miss sleeping in.

OK, right in the middle of this!

I hope you find them interesting and you are more than welcomed to answer the questions in the comment section. 

Q & A about me Part 1

So, someone sent me some questions and I thought to share the answers here. There are 30+ questions so I’ll be sharing in sets of 10.

Q: What is your number one goal this year?

A: For 2015 what I want to accomplish is the anchoring of good habits.  I started a weight loss journey this May and little by little I started to replace old bad habits like smoking and being sedentary for new good habits like eat wholesome foods and become active. I’m still transitioning between an obese type I-smoking-coach potato to the ideal active mindful eater I want to become, so that’s why this year’s main goal is to transform these changes into habits.  Of course, for next year my main goal is to reach my ideal weight and fitness level and keep it that way.  I feel fantastic with all the changes in the last 5 months and the loss of 21 lbs so far.

Q: What are you must grateful for?

A: My husband, hands down.  He is the best person in the whole world: brilliant, passionate, hard working, sweet, funny and talented.  We've been married for almost 4 years (our anniversary is next Wednesday, October 21^st) but we've shared our lives as a couple for 17 years. He’s been by my side through thick and thin being my port and strength every time I was lost. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and unknowingly he has saved my life more times than I care to count. Thank you Universe for letting me share my life with the must fantastic being in all of time and space.

Q: Are you content?

A: No. I'm truly happy right now, but not content.  I still want to change myself so much from the inside and out to keep growing and undo the damage I let others and myself inflict upon me.

Q: What is your best memory of last year?

A: Our Halloween party.  I loved my make up and felt both creepy and beautiful.  Our decorations and crafts came out amazing and I enjoyed so much doing all these things with the hubby. Halloween is our favourite holiday and I had the best time ever planning everything and making food, decorations, cocktails and costumes all month long.

My Make up

Q: What was the last major accomplishment you had?

A: Landing my new job.  It is a senior management at an international bank with a very nice salary and interesting projects. I don’t love working in the financial environment, or for that matter at an office, but a job is a job and it pays the bills, makes me proud and gives us financial tranquillity.  Also, I lost 21 lbs, quit smoking and started working out every day! Not too shabby, right?

Q: What possession could you not live without?

A: My book collection. I have so many memories and friends between those pages that I can’t imagine losing them.  I could buy another one, but it won’t be the same.  These are my books, there are many like these, but these are mine, my own, my preciouses. And now my geek is leaking.

Q: Can people change?

A: Yes and no. I believe we can change superficial things, but the core of our “self” remains the same. I am changing a lot of things about myself, but right at the core, I’ll remain me.  If you are a good person, you can change a lot of things, but you’ll still be a good person; but if you are mean… doesn't matter how many times you say you’ll change, you won’t.

Q: What is the last “good” thing you ate?

A: My breakfast!  100% organic and home made: 2 sunny side up eggs on top of rice bread, and yoghurt with grapes and sugar/sweetener free home made strawberry jam.

Q: What is your current favourite snack?

A: Oat bran. It’s yummy, healthy, great texture and versatile, it can go sweet or savoury and is so filling I don’t go hungry for hours.  

Q: What made you smile today?

A: My cats.  They make me smile every day with their shenanigans, cuteness and love. I have 4 cats: 1 boy, Frijol and 3 girls, Gaïa, Camillè and Calliope.  Frijol and Gaïa are brothers from the same litter and we adopted them from a shelter when they were 5 weeks old. Camillè AKA Bombi was also adopted from the same shelter when she was 5 months old. She has PTSD of some sort but is learning to be calmer.  Our youngest is Calliope AKA Piña. We rescued her from the street when she was a wee 1 month old kitten.  She is happiness embodied and the must crazy lovable creature on earth.

So… these are the first 10 questions about myself I’ll be posting here.  I hope you find them interesting and you are more than welcome to share your answers in the comments. 

Half and Half

After a terrible depression and a lot of health issues, I turned my life around fairly recently.  One of the biggest changes I made and what I think is been a part of my slow but steady success is a mindset change.

I always had an all or nothing point of view that never allowed any chance to make a mistake... or if I made one, it wasn't worth trying again and that was it.

Of course with my weight it was the same approach.  When I was a kid I was supper skinny, I ate everything and enjoyed my food.  I had fruits and vegetables, meat, butter, eggs, bacon... everything.  Well, everything but processed foods.

When I became a teen, I was bombarded with body expectations and for the first time, I started to worry about what I ate, but not on a good way. I started to eliminate food like diary, fats, carbs, protein... all until everything I ate in a day was an apple, plain water and sugar free bubblegum. 

Of course I was super thin, but I also messed up my metabolism (damn me, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive me for this) and was extremely unhealthy. 

After a few miserable years like this, I met new friends and they ate a lot, so I started eating again, but not the good-for-you kind of food, but just junk.  So I would binge-eat a lot of junk food one day and starve another (furthering my metabolism murder spree).

Fast forward some years and I was obese, overeating processed foods, sedentary, smoking like there is no tomorrow and horribly, terribly depressed.

I think I was right there with Hulk Hogan, but 0 muscle

Now I decided that a mistake is just that, and it won't affect my next decision, nor the next one.  I can eat super healthy, organic, sugar/sweet free, process free food must of the time, so if I mess it up one meal or day, it doesn't matter, I'll keep choosing the good stuff for myself. 

I'm down 2 lbs this week.  19.5 lbs since I started choosing better things for myself.  I still have around 42 lbs to loose, but that's OK, I can wait and do this the slow but healthy and sure way. Now my goal isn't being thin.  My goal is health: no more cigarettes (checked!), start to exercise and do it everyday (checked!), eat healthy food (checked!), stop eating the processed shit made in factories (checked!), stop poisoning yourself with sugar and fructose (this is still going on, I've been OK for a while, but Halloween is coming and I'm not sure if I'll make it).

It's a god damned slow process but I'm glad that I made the choice to take this journey to self discovery, balance, health and improvement. I'm through the first third and I'm sure all these changes are for the best and I'm on my way to better things.

The Series are Back!

What can I say, I´m an avid television watcher, especially for UK and US series.

I watch a lot, and I mean A LOT of TV series every week.  From The Big Bang Theory to The Blacklist going through Game of Thrones, True Detective, Castle, Scorpion, Da Vinci’s Demons, 12 Monkeys, The Middle, Doctor Who, The Walking Dead, Sherlock and a lot more.

Yep, this describes me and the hubby

I love watching the stories unfold before my eyes and love or hate the characters that I see evolve through time… the down side: the waiting time between seasons.

Is the worst thing ever, if I had a wish, it would probably be that series wouldn’t have breaks and that they bring Firefly back (Browncoats unite!)

So yesterday was download day (I download just one day a week to wait for all the new episodes of all my series instead of downloading a bit one day and a bit another) and almost all my favourite ones are back!

I’m so happy for this; I love stories, whether they are written or audio-visual, it doesn’t matter to me, I devour them and I crave for more.

I guess one ideal job would be watching television for money, so if you are looking for someone that can watch episode after episode, or a mash of 10 different series, I’m the one you’re looking for.

Do you love television? Or what does your “me” time looks like?

Damn you sugar!

Well, here I was yesterday writing about being sugarless and how well I've been doing, and then... my birthday happened.

I thought that I was safe, I brought my own meal (as I've been doing all week) I ate it and it was almost time for me to leave the office, when some of my co-workers brought a white chocolate and raspberry tart from Starbucks, I think.  There was no way out of this without hurting some feelings, and as I'm new to the team and company, well, I had to take a bite.

Poisonous beauty

It was a small bite, nowhere near the amount of cake I would have eaten if I wasn't walking this road, but still, I broke the chain and ate sugar.

I thought that breaking my streak and adding one more day to the challenge was my worst problem. Alas! Little did I know what was in store for me.

Before all this, I never felt any changes in my body when I ate sugar,  not even when I ate the equivalent of my country's debt in desserts.

But today was different, even from the start I felt it too sweet (WTF!!! WT(actual)F??? Too sweet? That phrase has never EVER been in my vocabulary... really, never), the texture was pleasant, but the sweetness was too much.
A few minutes later I realized it had been a bad BAD idea to eat the tart: I felt my heart racing, a headache starting to rise and a lot of anxiety.  A half hour later I had terrible reflux and I felt like a bloody dragon!

From the moment I finished my slice of tart to when I reached my house, I was cursing the hell out of that sugary food.

I was cranky, hungry and with a massive headache.

As soon as I got home, I did my daily yoga (great sun salutations, thanks Erin Motts!) and then I had a protein rich dinner to fight the sugar spike and crash I was going through.

Who would have thought this is how I felt all the time and didn't even noticed it because I was jumping from one sugar high to the next.

This experience was eye opening and it will definitely be something I'll take in account the next time I'm offered something sugary and I don't think I'll be returning to the old ways.

Another silver lining? I stayed eating good and healthy after that, as well as working out.  This time my falling of the wagon wasn't as catastrophic as usual, and I was able to get right back in line.

Oh! Sugar, thou heartless b!tch mistress...

They say it's my Birthday

So... this time of the year... again.

Today is my birthday and I'm turning 34 years old. (WTF! When did this happened! I was 22 last I looked!)

OK, enough with the exclamation points and the craziness.

This year I'm actually excited to celebrate my birthday as the beginning of my new life and new points of view. I will learn to celebrate with food and choices that are good for me and with people that make me happy.

And even like this, it's too much sugar for me

Thanks to all my adoptive family (AKA friends) for always being there for me.
Thanks to my husband, best friend and partner in crime for these almost 17 years together, I love you and you are the reason my life is worth it.
Thanks to my in-laws for welcoming me to your amazing family and sharing with me the real mining of family love.
Thanks to my fur-babies Gaïa (AKA Fluffy), Frijol (AKA Chaï Wallah), Camillè (AKA Bombi) and Callie (AKA Piña) for giving me the purest of love and the best cuddles.

Cats are the best, indeed.

So, happy birthday to me, but specially happy rebirth to me.

No Sugar, Baby

One of my favourite catchphrases from Ash in the film "Bruce Campbell Vs the Army of Darkness" is "Give me some sugar, baby" (only topped by "Groovy" and "This is my boomstick!").  It's cheesy, it's funny and it's a fantastic one-liner to have as a post-apocalyptic demon-fighting anti-hero. 

This is his boomstick.

But for now, no more sugar for me. 

Since last Sunday (Sep 13^th), I've been sugar free.  And what do I mean by sugar free? Well, no fructose, AKA the sugar that makes things sweet. This means no white/brown sugar, agave, fruit juices, honey, high fructose corn syrup, etc.  And no artificial sweeteners like Splenda or Stevia.  Fruit, only in its original form and it will be the only sweet thing in my diet; this means no juices, jams, preserves or the likes. 

Do I miss the sweetness, uff yes I do.  Last Tuesday someone brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts (my favourite food ever) to the office and I didn't eat a single one.  

I´ve been reading labels to make sure that there’s no hidden sugars in my food, sticking to the must natural state of food and I try to eat organic as much as I can.

Beware, 4 g equals 1 tbs of sugar

I will try to detox from my sugar addiction (more about that on future posts) and stay sugar free for at least 30 days.

The first few days were kind of horrible… I had a headache, cravings, hunger, the whole enchilada.  But after 12 days I feel better, more alert, less hungry between meals and I don’t crave sweet flavours any more.

Between the organic foods, start working out and stick to small workouts twice a day routine, my 30 day yoga and meditation challenges, quit smoking, stop drinking fizzy beverages, and loosing 17 lbs, I feel so much better.  This was definitely, the best birthday present I could have given to myself.

I started a few months back, on May 11^th and I've been having a slow but constant progress of 1 lb lost in average.  Sometimes I lose more than a lb, but then I don’t lose any weight. If I keep this average of 1 lb per week, I’ll reach my goal for next year.  For September 24^th 2016 (exactly on my birthday) I’ll be at my goal weight and I would have lost the baffling amount of 62 lbs (more or less).   So for my next birthday, I’ll be fit, strong and healthy because I'm walking that road today. I started a few months back and now that I started I will not stop loving myself, so I know I’ll keep being healthy, eating clean and right (must of the time), working out, not smoking, and no poisons in my body. 

I don’t want to go back to bad habits, because that means my self-loathing is back.

A few months ago, all I could think about was dying, killing myself to be precise.  I wrote something resembling a goodbye note to my beloved husband and every day I would think about the best way to do it, preferably like an accident so he could file the insurance report and at least have something.  The only thing that kept me from doing it was that I couldn't find a proper way to do it, with no survival chance and that looked like an accident.  So one day, I was surfing the web and  thought, how much would it take me to lose all this extra weight? And I thought it could take at least 4 or 5 years… but when I entered the numbers on some webpage it said that if I lost 2 lbs a week, I would be on my target weight by January 2016… wait… what? Mmm… maybe I should give it a try.

So I did, and started eating better and healthier and something happened I didn't expect: my depression, my 3 year old depression started to fade away.  Just by eating better and stop eating bad food.  I also think it helped the feeling of doing something for myself.

After a few weeks, I decided I needed to work out in order to achieve my goals, but how can I do that if I've been sedentary for more than 10 years and I smoke around a pack a day (more if there is a party or friends).  So first step, quit smoking! Cold turkey, as they say.  One day I smoked my last cigarette, enjoyed it as if it was the last one on earth (for me it was) and after I put it out, I hadn't had a smoke since.

I also started working out.  I found a beginner’s program that had what to do and when to rest, so I put on some yoga pants I had that were a bit very tight on me and I started moving every morning before starting my day.

25 days ago, I decided on adding up more workouts and started a 30 day yoga challenge at Do You Yoga.  The teacher is Erin Mots and I LOVE HER so much. She reminded me why I loved yoga so much and after the challenge is over, I want to start my yoga practice every day, at least 1 hour.

On the same day, I started a 30 day meditation challenge also at Do You Yoga, but the teacher is Faith Hunter and she is marvellous for easing into different kinds of breathing and guided meditations.

And finally, in this quest for a better health I started my 30 days without sugar after watching That Sugar Film.

All in all I feel fantastic, I'm in a good mood must of the time and I'm finding it easier and easier every day to make the right choices.  For the first time, I think I'm heading for a lifestyle change and not a diet you start and finish only to gain everything back, plus a bit more.

I hope I reach my weight goal, but mostly I want a health and fitness goal.  I want to be healthy, eating natural foods, no chemicals, and smoke free and able to do any physical activity I want without injury or being out of breath or too week. And I want to look good, toned and fit.  

Perhaps like her (minus the tan and the underwear!):

I wish I could do that... and look like that!