Half and Half

After a terrible depression and a lot of health issues, I turned my life around fairly recently.  One of the biggest changes I made and what I think is been a part of my slow but steady success is a mindset change.

I always had an all or nothing point of view that never allowed any chance to make a mistake... or if I made one, it wasn't worth trying again and that was it.

Of course with my weight it was the same approach.  When I was a kid I was supper skinny, I ate everything and enjoyed my food.  I had fruits and vegetables, meat, butter, eggs, bacon... everything.  Well, everything but processed foods.

When I became a teen, I was bombarded with body expectations and for the first time, I started to worry about what I ate, but not on a good way. I started to eliminate food like diary, fats, carbs, protein... all until everything I ate in a day was an apple, plain water and sugar free bubblegum. 

Of course I was super thin, but I also messed up my metabolism (damn me, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive me for this) and was extremely unhealthy. 

After a few miserable years like this, I met new friends and they ate a lot, so I started eating again, but not the good-for-you kind of food, but just junk.  So I would binge-eat a lot of junk food one day and starve another (furthering my metabolism murder spree).

Fast forward some years and I was obese, overeating processed foods, sedentary, smoking like there is no tomorrow and horribly, terribly depressed.

I think I was right there with Hulk Hogan, but 0 muscle

Now I decided that a mistake is just that, and it won't affect my next decision, nor the next one.  I can eat super healthy, organic, sugar/sweet free, process free food must of the time, so if I mess it up one meal or day, it doesn't matter, I'll keep choosing the good stuff for myself. 

I'm down 2 lbs this week.  19.5 lbs since I started choosing better things for myself.  I still have around 42 lbs to loose, but that's OK, I can wait and do this the slow but healthy and sure way. Now my goal isn't being thin.  My goal is health: no more cigarettes (checked!), start to exercise and do it everyday (checked!), eat healthy food (checked!), stop eating the processed shit made in factories (checked!), stop poisoning yourself with sugar and fructose (this is still going on, I've been OK for a while, but Halloween is coming and I'm not sure if I'll make it).

It's a god damned slow process but I'm glad that I made the choice to take this journey to self discovery, balance, health and improvement. I'm through the first third and I'm sure all these changes are for the best and I'm on my way to better things.